I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
