I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
