Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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