So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
