So drunk its hurt
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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