the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
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My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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