see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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