watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
