I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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