put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
