The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
