I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
