Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
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Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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