Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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