I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
