Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
