I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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