It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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