I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
