I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
