I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
