I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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