the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have aggressive nipples.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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