My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
