No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
