Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
