my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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