I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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