i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
