his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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