Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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