Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
