i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
