i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
