I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
