found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Be still, my beating vagina.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
