How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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