i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
