I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
