This girl is more easily done than said...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
