i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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