Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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