her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
