It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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