I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
