I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
