you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
