I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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