The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
