Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
