maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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