I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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