My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize