at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
