Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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