So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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