i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
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thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You pole danced in your parka.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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