you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
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Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
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Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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