I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
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i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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