It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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