I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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