I think I died a long time ago.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
