after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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