things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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