I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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