It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
