I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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