what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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