i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
